My Story: Embracing Motherhood with Grace and Gratitude
My Transformation Into Motherhood
If you’re a mom, you know that “becoming a mother” is so much more than just that initial moment when your first baby is born. Becoming who you are as a mother, who you’re meant to be, is something that continues over time. It’s something that we don’t exactly have the road map for, but, lucky for us, we serve an Almighty God who does. He knows exactly what trials, what joys, what challenges and what surprises will mold you into the mother you’re meant to be.
It’s always confusing and even a little hopeless in the middle of a really rough patch in life, but in hindsight (by the Grace of God) we can usually see that He was very intentionally allowing that situation in our life, either to strengthen us or our marriage or our motherhood. Let me tell ya friends, the Lord has given me a LOT of opportunity for “strengthening” my motherhood in the last couple of years. But for context, let’s start from the beginning.
I always knew from the time that I was very young that I wanted, God willing, to be a mother. I was nicknamed the “baby hog” at family gatherings because if there was a baby there, I was sure to be the first in line to hold them. This dream of being a wonderful and fun mother was something I thought about all the time.
Immediately out of high school, I attended college where I got a degree in Hotel Management, and absolutely loved my career in the hotel industry. I started as a front desk agent but quickly worked my way up the ranks to manager. It was a busy 400 room, full-service hotel and I had a LOT of responsibilities. It was a fast-paced, high-stress environment and I absolutely loved it. (It often crossed my mind that if I was so good at something like that, I would find motherhood to be a breeze! HAH!)
It was during this career-building season that I met and fell in love with my now husband. We were married 5 years after I graduated high school and had our first baby the following year.
This is where the “old me” became a figure of the past…
Having my daughter was a life-changing event (as it is for most). We were SO in love with her and I truly felt so certain that I was where I was meant to be, finally, a mother. But the adjustment was hard. That first year felt like a major identity crisis. I was confused that I wasn’t totally “rocking it” as a first time mom.
I truly thought that being the organized, high-achieving perfectionist that I was would be something that would help me thrive in motherhood. Ironically, that “perfectionist” part of me is the exact part that ended up making my motherhood such a challenge for me. Holding on to all the “old ways” of myself and my life, is exactly what made my adjustment so difficult.
I guilted myself for not making my bed every day… I guilted myself for not losing the baby weight right away… I guilted myself for having a messy house… I guilted myself for not praying my Rosary every day… I guilted myself if I tried to improve on these things and as a result, spent less time with my daughter. All the things I used to be really good at, (staying fit, staying organized, clean house etc) were now a major struggle.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved being a first-time mom and was (AM!) so beyond in love with my daughter. But the mental and emotional roller coaster of feeling like I didn’t even know who I was anymore, was very present. Now I’m not here to say that I recommend to first-time moms that they do anything differently in this scenario; there really is no way around the massive change that takes place. You don’t recognize who you are anymore, because, well, you are someone different! You’re not just ‘insert name here’ anymore, you’re a mother! That’s huge!!! The only thing I would suggest you do differently is to have more Grace for yourself. I think I was robbed of a little bit of joy in those early years because of how much I focused on feeling guilty for the things I didn’t do, instead of focusing on all the things I DID do (hello, breastfeeding alone is like a full time job! No joke!)
So after coming a long ways emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I started to really find my footing again as the “new me”. The main thing I changed was prayer, which I had previously allowed to take quite the back seat. Praying more often finally allowed me the perspective shift that I so desperately needed - realizing that my role as a mother comes first, and all the superficial priorities of a clean house, being fit etc were allowed to be a little less-than-perfect for now.
Luckily I took on this life-changing perspective just in time for our second baby.
(Two years after our first)
Adjusting to our second brought its own new set of joys and challenges. Juggling two different little ones and their unique set of schedules, needs, wants, routines was an all-consuming task. Having already had my big self-discovery into motherhood with my first, I was able to determine where I needed to place my focus.
First and foremost, I needed to put God first - and trust Him with the rest.
Of course, that’s easier said than done most days - but ideally that was what I knew I needed to put into practice. Over the next year or so, (which brings us to the present, where I’m currently expecting our third!) I faced a whole new level of challenges. Toddler sleep regressions combines with trying to get a newborn to sleep made for some very challenging nights (during that time, my husband worked overnights so I was solo). Many many other combinations of events (sickness, financial hardship, teething, puppy training, home repair emergencies) made for lots of ups and downs.
There’s something so unique about motherhood, as my fellow mamas know, where we don’t get breaks like the working person does.
We don’t get to clock off at the end of the day. Even if someone does step in to help, whether it’s our spouse or our mom or a babysitter or friend, no one else is “mom”. It’s flattering to be their favorite, but also very exhausting. For this reason, I’ve learned it is VITAL for everyone to keep our cup filled and to stay on top of it like your sanity depends on it (spoiler alert, it does). This looks different for everyone, and can sometimes be an overwhelming idea to try and “keep our cup full” when we can barely stay on top of the laundry, trust me, I know.
But what has helped me the most, is at least staying on top of my prayer life.
Starting each day with God has changed my life. That, and making sure my health is mostly in check… if my electrolytes and vitamin levels are low, pair that with poor sleep (my kids still don’t sleep through the night consistently) and you’ve got a recipe for Mom Life disaster. The days I slack on my vitamins and/or starting my day with prayer, I can basically guarantee a mental breakdown (or two or three).
While I still LOVE having a relatively clean and organized home, I have (finally) learned that it isn’t my number one priority. My number one priority has to be taking care of myself (my physical health and my spiritual/mental wellbeing) and with that, I can then have the energy to spend quality time with my kids and lastly, cleaning and organizing my house. For a long time I had it all backwards and God showed me loud and clear that that was no way to live my life.
Once I realized how life-changing this perspective was, I made it a mission to share the message with other mamas. That is the whole reason this site came to be. I will continue to produce and share resources that have helped me in my motherhood journey. Resources on putting God first, resources on putting your health first, and lastly, resources on maintaining that somewhat clean home if you’re a neat freak like me. I pray that my message and my resources will help you and be an answer to your prayers.
God will reward you for doing your best, but as they say, “God helps those who help themselves”. Take the first step my friend, your kids (and you) deserve the best version of you!
